Sunday, June 14, 2015

We Owe Our Children Happiness

Raising Autistic children can be very different than raising typical children. We speak a different language, we have different concerns, we have different goals, and we have a different grief. I totally understand the grief over the loss of our dream of a typical child. I understand that it's hard, it's hard to have a child that has so many unique needs and challenges. Our heart breaks for the burdens and grief they face.

However our children are still children. They pick up on our attitudes and emotions. I have no idea how much my girls understand or comprehend about what goes on but every Autistic person who communicates say that they understood far more than people knew.

Then I began to think about how awful it must be to feel like you are a disappointment to your family. How soul crushing it must be to know you are the reason your mom cries. Then I came to a simple epiphany. WE OWE IT TO OUR CHILDREN TO BE HAPPY AND DELIGHT IN THEM.  Our children need us to have joy in them and their accomplishments, they need us to take pride in the fact that they are our children. Comparing them to the child they aren't is cruel and hurtful.

My kids need to know that I am excited that they learned a new skill. It doesn't matter if other children mastered it at 8 months my kid mastered it now and I could not be more proud. They need to see me smiling over their interests (even if it is watching the same Youtube video for the 123,753 time). 

I'm not saying it's easy and I find myself sinking into grief but I know it's my responsibility to be happy. I do that through medication, self care and a spirit of being grateful. Self care isn't easy but it's a huge part of care for our children.

I came to the realization that even if nothing ever changes, even if my girls never talk again, never use the potty or never learn another skill I will be completely happy with the children I was lucky to have. 

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