What a difference a year makes!

A picture from that vacation one year ago. 





I just realized that it was a year ago that Autism first came on our radar. We were on vacation in Salt Lake, until then I had seen some unusual behaviors like insomnia, verbal delays, and super strict adherence to routines but had thought she was ADHD like her father.

In Salt Lake it was a disaster she had meltdowns on a scale I've never seen before and pretty much scared our families. My sister in law finally pulled me aside and mentioned that her son has ADHD and never had the behaviors that Gracie does. My sister in law also pointed out things I overlooked like how Gracie ONLY talked to me and how her comprehension seemed below that of her cousin of the same age.

Then I went out to lunch with an old friend and her daughter who was 2 weeks younger than Gracie. My friend's daughter is Autistic and diagnosed as PDD-NOS. As we compared notes I noticed many similarities. I resolved to bring it up at Graice's 3 yr Well Child Check the next month.

In the past year I feel like everything has changed. Not only have I lost much of my daughter I've also gained new understanding and compassion about the way she behaves. I've stopped getting upset when she doesn't respond to her name and instead take her by the hand. I've learned so much about how the brain works and how Gracie precieves the world differently. I've researched the best treatments options, trying to muddle through science and junk science. I've learned to prefect my icy, blank stare as I take my melting down child out of a store as people look on judging and pitying me.

Most of all I've learned how to celebrate Gracie for who she is, instead of getting upset about the things she can't do I throw her on the bed and tickle her instead. We twirl in circles together and I make funny noises as she laughs. She might not be doing the same things her peers do but I can't let that take away our joy at the things she does do.